The Holiday
by AngelKirstie
Summary: The Brockman family are going on holiday, but as it's them, anything can happen...
1. The Car Journey

**Title: The Holiday**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Karen (as much as I'd like to, because she is sooo cute!)**

**Ben (as much as I'd like to, because he is funny XD)**

**Jake (as much as I'd like to, because he is well fit)**

**Pete (as much as I'd like to, because he is hilarious! XD)**

**Sue (as much as I'd like to, because she is funny and I love how she copes with her kids XD)**

**Or Outnumbered (as much as I'd love to!)**

**I do, however, own the storyline. It is based on my own holiday. Hahaha! So, Enjoy!**

"Da-ad! I need the toilet!" said Karen, pulling a face to show how desperate she was. The Brockman family was currently stuck in extremely slow-moving traffic, somewhere near Plymouth.

"There will be toilets at the hotel in 10 minutes." replied Pete, turning around in his seat to face her.

"But you said _that _ 10 minutes ago. And I _really_ need the toilet!" retorted Karen stubbornly, raising her eyebrow at her dad, and pulling another pained expression.

"You'll be fine, Karen." sighed her dad, shaking his head slightly as he turned back round. Karen put her hands on her hips.

"No, I won't. If you don't go to the toilet, you can burst a kidney!" replied Karen matter-of-factly, frowning at her dad.

"Erm..." said Pete, faltering and looking at Sue for help but she was concentrated on the traffic jam.

"Yes, well, you're not going to burst your kidney." he replied, turning round to face his daughter again. But Karen wasn't having it.

"Well, when I'm in hospital because I burst my kidney and the nurse asks why I didn't go to the toilet, I'll tell them that I didn't go because my daddy was too mean to take me because he said that I wouldn't burst my kidneys." rambled Karen, doing hand gestures to accompany her speech. Pete put his head in his hands.

"Ooh look! There's the aquarium!" said Sue brightly, pointing to a tall grey building out of the window. Pete looked out of the window at the building she was pointing at.

"Um, Sue, actually that's a nightclub called Oceana." he replied, trying to ignore Karen's groans of 'I need the toilet' from the back of the car.

"Oh." said Sue, running her hand through her hair; she was already flustered and they hadn't even reached the hotel yet.

"Wait." said Karen, stopping her moaning "There's an aquarium?"

"Yes." replied Pete, relieved to have something to talk about besides Karen's need for the toilet. Karen tilted her head to look at her dad.

"Can we go?" she asked, bouncing up and down in the seat, seemingly forgetting the fact that she wanted the toilet.

"Yes, we can probably go tomorrow morning...maybe..." replied Pete, looking at the pile of papers on his lap. Karen sat back in her seat, disappointed.

"You _always_ say maybe...There's an aquarium where we live, but we never go there." Karen sighed, looking at her parents accusingly "It's not fair!"

"Sooo...that's a nightclub then?" asked Sue cheerily, trying to change the conversation topic. Pete nodded in reply, suddenly engrossed in his maps.

"No going to the nightclub then, Jake." laughed Sue, attempting a (very bad) joke. When she got no reply, she turned around in her seat. They were still in traffic, so it was safe to turn around.

"...Jake?" repeated Sue, wondering if her son could hear her.

"...JAKE?" she said, in a louder voice, trying to make herself heard. Karen giggled slightly.

"He's not listening again, is he? Uh, he's got those blasted headphones on again." sighed Sue.

Karen mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "I _still_ need the toilet!"

"Oi! Jake!" yelled Ben, whilst elbowing Jake violently in the ribs. Jake pressed the pause button on his iPod, and turned to Ben, his face livid.

"Hey! That hurt! What the heck did you do that for?" snapped Jake, glaring at his younger brother and rubbing his sore ribs.

"Mum was talking to you." replied Ben simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"But you were listening to your blasted headphones and were deaf to the world." finished Sue, in a disapproving tone. Jake faltered.

"I was not!" he snapped, in a defensive voice "I was...revising."

"Revising?" repeated Sue, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Jake nodded fervently, fairly pleased with his, admittedly lame, excuse.

"Yes-I'm listening to that song that helps you remember the periodic table." added Jake, trying to make his story sound more believable.

Karen looked at his iPod, and pressed the centre button so that the 'now playing' song came up.

"No, you're not. You're watching that video with that girl from the X Factor. The one who's your desktop background on your computer." Karen said, looking at Jake accusingly.

"I am not watching Diana Vickers' music video!" retorted Jake, grabbing the iPod from his sister's hands and turning the screen to black so that nobody could see it.

"Anyway, I can't use my books to revise because they're in the suitcase." added Jake, still trying to formulate an excuse.

"No, they're not." interrupted Ben, looking up from what he was doing. Jake looked at him.

"Well, where are they then?" asked Jake. Karen began to moan about wanting the toilet again.

"Umm...I don't know..." replied Ben, hurriedly stuffing some papers coloured in red and green felt tips underneath his seat. Jake gave him a suspicious look, but the talk in the car had returned to the fact that Karen still needed the toilet.

"Dad! I still need the toilet and I am either going to burst a kidney or wet myself." declared Karen, frowning at her dad. Pete sighed.

"10 more minutes Karen." he replied wearily; obviously he had been hoping that the conversation would not return to this.

"YOU SAID THAT 20 MINUTES AGO!" yelled Karen, really fed up that they weren't moving. She clutched the front of her trousers, with an anguished look on her face.

"I need to go NOW!" she cried "Or I will burst a kidney!"

Pete gave a huge sigh of relief as, at that very moment, they pulled into the car park of the hotel they were going to be stopping in.

"Okay, we're here. Now, can you wait for a little bit whilst we sign in?" Pete asked Karen. She screwed up her face as though she was thinking (or it could have just been that she needed the toilet so badly!)

"No." she decided finally. Pete gave a deep intake of breath, somewhat annoyed.

"But I'll try." added Karen. For the first time since that conversation had started, Pete smiled widely at his daughter.

"Good girl, Karen." he smiled at her. Karen smiled, but then pointed to the door.

"If we have to sign in first, can we at least make it quick?" she asked, looking pained as she crossed her legs. Her dad nodded.

"Karen? You're taking a long time?" shouted Pete, through the toilet door in the hotel room. On the other side of the door, Karen rolled her eyes.

"Because it's a long pee, because you made me wait so long!" Karen yelled back. Jake scrunched up his nose: why did his family have to be so crude?

"Oh, and the door is locked and I can't open it." added Karen brightly, leaping off the toilet seat.

Pete looked at the door, with a confused look on his face: surely it would have been better to mention the locked door first?

"So, you're locked in?" asked her dad, through the door. Karen nodded, before she realised that they couldn't see her.

"YES!" she yelled back. Jake put his face in his hands: surely this sort of thing could only happen to _his_ family?

"Let's leave her and go crabbing!" shouted Ben, jumping up and down on the bed. Sue glared at him.

"Now, Ben, that's not nice!" she sighed tiredly.

On the other side of the door, Karen was getting worried and agitated.

"Daddy! Get me out of here!" she yelled. She didn't like being in the toilet; it was scary and it smelled funny.

"Karen, I'm trying!" called her dad. He pushed the door in, and heard something click. He smiled triumphantly.

"Try now!" he shouted to Karen.

She pushed and pushed against the door, until it fell in with Karen on top of it. Luckily, Pete was stood to one side and Sue, Ben and Jake were perched on the beds.

"Aww...I wanted to leave her in there!" said Ben.

**Not a one-shot, so more chaps coming soon! =)**


	2. Crabbing

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own Outnumbered or any of the characters...as much as I want to...they still belong to the BBC**

"Ben! Ben! BEN! YOU DO NOT EAT THE CRAB!" shouted Pete, from someway along the harbour-side pavement. Jake, sitting on the bench, looked up to see Ben trying to stuff a live crab into his mouth.

"But people eat crab, don't they? I mean, Nan gives us crab sandwiches when we go to her house for dinner sometimes. So, why can't I eat this crab?" gabbled Ben, who had (thankfully) put the crab in the bucket beside him. Karen now had her hand inside the bucket, and was stroking the crab softly with it.

"You just...can't..." spluttered Pete. The question was so random that he couldn't actually think of an answer.

"Because it's raw, and it has claws and it's ALIVE." snapped Jake, glaring at his brother. He still hadn't forgiven him for ripping up and colouring in his textbooks that morning.

"Oh, and Dad?" added Jake. Pete looked at his oldest son expectantly.

"Karen's sticking her hand in the crab bucket and stroking the crab." Jake said, pointing towards his little sister and the crab bucket. Pete glanced over, and sure enough, Karen was doing exactly as Jake had said.

"Oh, Karen." hissed Pete, under his breath.

"KAREN! STOP PETTING THE CRAB...IT HAS SHARP CLAWS!" shouted Pete. Jake rolled his eyes skyward, and gave his dad a superior look.

"Dad...they're called pincers." he sighed, as if it was the most obvious thing on earth.

"Okay! SHARP PINCERS! THE CRAB HAS SHARP PINCERS!" Pete called across to Karen. He saw his daughter stand up, luckily putting the crab in the bucket.

"But it's cute!" she shouted back. Jake rolled his eyes again. When you lived with his family, it was hard _not_ to roll your eyes every five minutes.

"Why didn't I go somewhere else like your mum did?" Pete sighed, looking over at Ben and Karen. Jake looked up at his dad, shielding his eyes with his hand; it was quite windy and sunny at the same time.

"Because mum's smart." replied Jake shortly, going back to listening to his iPod. Pete nodded at first, but then looked at Jake with a look on his face (**THIS LOOK: ****./multimedia/archive/01020/SNF0802TVCC-280_** lol)

"BEN! TAKE THE CRAB OFF YOUR HEAD!" shouted Pete suddenly, as he noticed Ben's new form of 'headwear'. Ben stuck his tongue out and continued to run around the harbourside with the crab on his head.

"I AM SUPER CRAB MAN! I SAVE THE WORLD...WITH CRABS!" yelled Ben, as he ran through the somewhat crowded pavement, holding the crab on his head. Jake shook his head, and turned the volume up on his iPod, to drown out the noise of his brother.

"DA-AD! BEN STOLE MY CRAB THAT I CATCHED!" shouted Karen, pointing to 'Super Crab Man'. Jake smirked at his dad.

"Well, good luck then, Dad." Jake smiled smugly, as he looked at Pete's confused, stressed face. He began to snigger quietly to himself.

"THE CRAB THAT I CAUGHT!" replied Pete, correcting Karen's grammar. Jake spluttered with laughter.

"Dad, you have two kids running riot and all you worry about is Karen's grammar?" sniggered Jake incredulously. Pete glared at him.

"NO, DAD, I CATCHED IT! NOT YOU!" yelled back Karen, as she began to chase after Ben, knocking over several peoples' crabbing buckets. Pete smiled as an idea hit him; an idea so simple and yet, so brilliant.

"Who wants ice-cream?" he called. Karen and Ben came running over immediately, clamouring eagerly for ice-cream.

Jake sighed, and turned the volume up even louder...

**Okay, okay! A short chapter...sorry XD! I just wasn't sure how much more that even Ben and Karen could do with a crab XD (That sounded sooo much better in my head!)**

**Also, I got a lot planned for the new chapters *grins***

**Anyway, please R&R and tell me if you think this chapter was too short! Who knows? Maybe I'll even post an extended version of this chapter, if that's what you guys want :-D**


	3. The OpenTopped Bus

**Sorry for the long delay, and for the short chapter you're about to receive. I hope you all still like my story, and thanks for reading :D**

**Disclaimer: I STILL don't own anything, as much as I want to...but I am currently working on that! *hyper grin***

**Enjoy the story...**

**(If I ever say Pete is giving one of the kids 'a look'...it's this one: **./multimedia/archive/01020/SNF0802TVCC-280_)

"Dad, why are we sitting on an open-topped bus in the freezing cold and the pouring rain?" glared Jake, pulling his grey Nike hoodie tighter around his body.

"Because playing Spot-The-Chav is more fun when you're on an open topped bus!" replied Karen brightly, bouncing up and down in her seat and still managing to peer over the side without falling off the bus.

"TEN!" she shouted out immediately, causing Jake to roll his eyes dramatically skywards and to put his hands over his ears: Why oh why was he the one sitting next to Karen?

"Karen, I thought we told you to stop playing that game last time we were on a bus?" said her dad, giving her and Ben a look. Karen shrugged, and continued to bounce up and down.

"Yeah, well, we're playing Spot-The-Gay too!" said Ben obviously, as though that justified the game. He shook his head as though he thought his dad was being silly. Jake rolled his eyes.

"Ben! You can't tell if someone's gay just by looking at them!" sighed Pete, looking at his youngest son in exasperation. Jake was just happy that, because of the cold and rain, nobody else was sitting on an open-topped bus and getting soaked. Therefore, nobody else could hear his brother and sister and their slightly inappropriate and most likely politically incorrect comments.

"Well, you can...cuz see that guy!" said Ben, pointing to a guy walking in the street below. Karen leaned even further over the side of the bus, and Jake put his arms round her protectively; he didn't want her falling off the bus, no matter how much she was annoying him right now.

"Yes, what about that guy?" Jake asked, looking at Ben but still not removing his hands from Karen's waist. He couldn't look over at the guy, because he was worried about Karen falling.

"Well, he's_ obviously _gay, because he's wearing a pink shirt and white shorts." Ben replied. Karen giggled and added "And dodgy sunglasses!" Jake put Karen down firmly on the seat, and looked over the side himself, and said to their dad "You know, dad, they've actually got a point."

"DA-AD! I need the toilet!" shouted Karen suddenly, pulling an agonised face. Pete closed his eyes in frustration. He remembered clearly the last time Karen needed the toilet, on the journey to Plymouth.

"Karen, I told you to go before we came." their dad sighed. Karen looked at her dad, as though he was being completely stupid.

"I didn't need it then!" she explained exasperatedly, as though she really shouldn't have to explain that sort of stuff to adults. No adult ever did understand those type of things.

"But you haven't drank anything since we got on the bus, so your bladder shouldn't have got any more full." replied Pete, trying not to lose patience with his daughter. But this wasn't an argument that Karen was going to lose.

"Yes, well, maybe the drink I drank earlier has gone through my disective system, and now I need a wee!" she retorted, crossing her arms defiantly across her chest and shaking her curls "AND NOW I NEED THE TOILET!" Karen exclaimed, in a particularly loud voice. Jake sighed: Did they have to talk about this in public? _Oh well_ he thought _At least there's nobody else on the bus_...

"Your _what_ system?" frowned Pete, trying to make sense of what Karen had just said.

"You know! The one that has the same name as those biscuits!" she replied, shrugging her shoulders "Your disestive system!"

"Dad, I think she means _digestive system_ and does it really matter what it's called? We need to get her to a toilet." said Jake angrily in a biting tone. He was beginning to get _really _fed up of his family, and it was only day 1 of the holiday.

"Karen we're about 10 minutes away from the hotel." said Pete, trying to calm Karen down and trying to persuade her _not_ to wet herself.

"Where have I heard that before?" muttered Jake under his breath, so that his dad wouldn't hear.

"YOU SAID THAT LAST TIME!" exclaimed Karen "And I can't hold it in very longer!"

"Ooh, SEAGULL ATTACK!" Ben, who had been very quiet up til now, grinned. Jake looked up at the sky, and sure enough, a large horde of seagulls were heading in their direction.

"Things are about to get messy." added Ben, in a terminator style voice. Jake rolled his eyes, but had a feeling that Ben could be right. Suddenly, the bus stopped and there was the sound of footsteps coming upstairs. Then, the bus driver appeared at the top of the stairs, looking quite annoyed.

"The passengers can hear you from downstairs. _Please, sir, control your children_." he said, in a strangulated voice, glaring lividly at Pete. If looks could kill, there was a pretty good chance that Pete would be lying dead on the floor at that moment.

"We gave up doing that a _long_ time ago." sighed their dad, grabbing Ben's hand, and implying for Jake to do the same to Karen. They stood up. There was a loud squelching sound, and then silence, and the sound of Ben and Karen chuckling loudly.

"You got covered in bird..." sniggered Ben and Karen, but Jake and Pete had clapped their hands over the kids mouths before they could finish that sentence.

"OFF!" bellowed the bus driver. And never before in their lives had Jake and their dad ran so quickly to get off a bus, Ben and Karen in tow.

**We had a...similar...experience on the open-topped bus...except ours involved a police officer, and not the bus driver...and drunk people...and a beer festival...and a car accident...okay, maybe it wasn't quite so similar :D**

**But there **_**WAS**_** bird mess involved! And an open-topped bus...and rain...oh, wait, the rain was a **_**different**_** open-topped bus experience! Maybe I'll write a story about that – it was fun XD**

**Anyway, new chapter coming up soon...and this time, I MEAN soon! Bye for now :D**


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